There you are surronding me as my wings And making me an angel by providing wings. But I was haunted and obsessed by the dreams, Oh Lord, Dont make me bleed by tearing apart my wings, And landing my future in ultimate pain, By taking away my soul's light, And I knew this day was not merely a chance.
But, Here I stand praying on my knees, Desiring not to loose the heart beneath my wings. But Is he still there, listening to my prayers, And to show me some mercy atleast this time? Suddenly everything has turned me upside down, By making me fall into deep pit of darkness, Which would never allow me to see the light of day again.
I caught a glimpse of her;
just in the moment she was trying to settle herself. She was a cute little girl
who was travelling along with me to a place where I was heading for a dream. We
got acquainted of each other. We had a lovely talk over stuff and everything
seemed so uptight. We together enjoyed the whisperings of the ocean, the clickety-clack
of the rails, the hum of the passing country side, the ringing flash of
crossing lights and studying the names of the stations.
Drowsing, heads lolling, voices
amplified and faded in the clickety – clack of the rails as darkness coated the
windows. We also thought of having a slumber. Glassed with cold sleep and
dazzled by the moon, out of the confused hammering dark of the train, I looked
and saw under the moon’s cold sheet and noticed dark small trees that burn
suddenly into flowers more lovely than the white moon. Everything looked so
tranquil. Then we were stopped at a station for some time. I got down the train
to enjoy my feet in the silent lighted yet deserted station. I had no words to
describe the place, the way it looked and the way I felt.
And soon, so soon I
noticed someone getting down the train. It was none other than that small girl.
I called her name but no response. Listen, Can you hear me Laura? I screeched.
Again there was no reciprocation. As I continued to call, she continued to walk
along the more unlighted area. I followed her silently and crossed on to the
other platform, where there was another train ready to depart.
As I stood there I held my
breath, fearfully glancing up at her. My feet became numb, my heart started
pounding.I stood fearful, confused,
drowned, fallen, startled, furious, horror-stricken and many more. All the
emotions urged to take a shape. I had so many questions unanswered, many
broken. I felt all the longings turning away into silent stillness.
I could sense in her the
terror of the shivery sea. Her eyes were fraught with full of resentment and
bitter desires. I could hear the wild cries and a lot more horrid voices. It was
so dark in the night where I could hear some footsteps too. She was surrounded
by a very different aura which took my breath away.The winds blew fiercely and then it blew
slowly.The trees bent uneasy, leaning
to and fro. I was lost within strange fear.
This time again, I stood
there glancing at her while she was settling down on one of the huge wheels of
the ready to move train. And the train speeds on and the darkness grew and
screams rented the foetid air. But she was not affected by its action or the
wheels rotation. No matter how fast the wheel rotated, she was on top of the
wheel unaffected. On the spur of the moment she gazed into my eyes and smiled.
Her smile was sinister. I was in pain and grief and felt my eyes tortured.The train left and there I stood alone excruciated
in the midst of the shuddery night.
I woke up from my dream
with great anguish, perspiring. I was scared to death at this little fright,
but I had to sleep on through the night, until I could see the sun on its peak.
The phone punctured my deep dreamless REM slumber at the crack of midnight. I flopped an arm out of the covers, groping for the instrument, 'Hello,’ I croaked.
'Hey dear what are you doing', a very cushy and exuberant vox came out of the instrument. It was one of my friends. I was agitated and said 'I'm making out over here, wanna join me'. He was like LOL and as he was verbalizing, on the spur of the moment, the ambience of my room turned deadening, spine-chilling and atrocious. My room has a huge window which will be shut most of the time. It is covered with beautiful drapes which flow down in a very elegant manner. The curtains started to flap and it was not a dime a dozen. I started to feel bizarre and my attention was hived off to the window. But couldn't incur anything fishy. Later on my heart started to throb. 'Hey dude shall babble stuff tomorrow', I said and hung up. Abruptly one little girl chuted into my room from the huge window, sat behind me and started scratching my neck. Somehow I could feel she was in deep anguish. But I didn't have the courage to swing around and gander at her as I was panic-stricken. But I managed to amass ample amount of courage and asked her, 'Who are you and why you are here?' Her sweet voice was debating with her vocal cord whether to come out or not. As she was stuttering, she said she wanted some help. I was more appalled and asked her to spill the beans.
'I am completely baffled. Donno what's happening with me and why things are happening this way. I feel like killing people whom I love the most. I feel I want more and more pain. For that I don't mind cutting myself and seeing my own blood. It’s better to hurt myself rather than hurting others', she said this and continued scratching my neck. But I felt terribly horrifying and didn't know what to do. I wanted to screech and fleer from there, but I felt crippled. Started to wonder “could I really lend a hand”. I didn't have the guts to ask her what help she wanted. So the whole night I just prayed and wanted to see the sun asap. From that day, I could sense her in my room every time I entered. After few days I agnized that the girl was my inner soul itself, no one else, which was hurt badly and couldn't convey things to anyone else. My room had become the only place where my soul could cry out loudly, laugh, play or do anything it desired. It always craved to be locked in my room and stay away from people. It wanted to be lonely always and loved being that way. I palpated that my inner soul has taken over me and I need to find a way out of it. But I am really still contending for control of myself. It gives me the creeps when I think about my soul being on edge and thinking in such a vicious fashion.
