Broken heart

I feel empty, betrayed, and no happiness whatsoever. I don't want to laugh, because I know it's not going to help, but I don't want to cry, because it will just make me feel worse. I feel like my heart is falling apart, but not only that, but I know soon my life is going to feel like it's falling apart too. I don't think it will ever end, and no matter what this person has done to me, it feels impossible to stop loving him. And everyone wonders why if he hes hurt me so much, then why do I still love him. That's the confusing part, I don't know why, I just do, and the people who hurt me the most, are normally the ones I love the most.

And then, after a few weeks, I finally feel a sense of relief, like I'm getting happy again, but I know inside that I'm just going into denial. And after a few more weeks, I'm back to where I was an empty soul and teary eyes. I thought I got over him, but really, I just stopped showing it. And I can't help but to show it again. It leaves deep scars on my heart that are there forever. And no one understands how I feel, and how deep I am hurt, no matter who they are, because it hasn't happened to them And even if it has, every broken heart is different.

They don't know the true pain I feel and carry each and everyday now, so I learn that basically I am alone with all this. And the feeling starts to overwhelm me, and suddenly I just break down, right there, because I know I've had enough, the tears just instantly start flowing, and I'm to the point where I don't care who see's. Because I've spent so many nights lying awake in bed, and so many days being haunted by the scars and fear of rejection. And in the midst of all these tears, I know that its not helping any, and it's not going to bring him back, if I ever even had him in the first place. After about a million tears have been cried, I finally pull myself back together and keep going. My throat starts to clench and my eyes burn with the tears I'm trying to hold back. Everyone says, "It will be okay…” But I know it won't. And that’s the truth, it won’t. And I look back on all of the hurt I had from this, and I realize that people are horrible. I'm still hurt, but I've learned to hide it so that everyone thinks I am okay. So now every time I see this person, I know I still love him, and I feel a slight tingle in my heart yearning for him to love me, screaming out, but for some reason he doesn't hear it. And then I sit back and wonder how one person could have caused all of this..

2 comments:

bharat chandran said...

Hi, I am coming to your blog for the first time - I like this post. And I feel it is not just the words that you have put in here, but the emotions.

'I don't know why, I just do, and the people who hurt me the most, are normally the ones I love the most.' - I trust this is true for everyone? May be because we love the most, we tend to get hurt even for silly things?

saya said...

@bharat Thanks for visiting my blog.. Hope to see you more in here..
I am glad you liked it..

I guess you are right about this line "May be because we love the most, we tend to get hurt even for silly things?" :)